Finding Love After Loss

love after loss

I’m Engaged!!! This is a big announcement for me and I couldn’t wait to let everyone know.

After spending the most amazing weekend in Bath (the place not the tub) my amazing partner Phil proposed, and I said yes!!!

An Easy Yes

I could tell you that I was surprised and taken aback, but the truth is that I knew he was going to. It’s the reason we were visiting Bath in the first place, and we had chosen the ring 4 weeks before. You see, from the moment we met we have been in sync and the decision to get engaged was one we made together. He’s my soulmate and everything just seems easy when we’re together.

You might think “lucky you'” and I do consider myself to be lucky to have met Phil. BUT… and it’s a bit but, I also worked hard to get to this place. That’s because before Phil, I had another soulmate and he was my entire world up until 3 years ago.

My husband Ian passed away in 2019, suddenly and unexpectedly and my whole work crashed around me. Although I’ve always been an independent person, we were a great team who did everything together and made some amazing memories.

Finding my way through grief

Grieving Ian was a really hard time. Not just because he had gone, but because my life as I knew it had too. Alongside many others, I defined myself by my relationship and got lots of validation from the love and stability that brought.

Around 9 months after I lost Ian I visited a medium. I was searching for some meaning and direction in my life and it seemed like the right thing to do. He told me that I had been lucky to find my soulmate in Ian and that many people go through their whole lives without finding that. But she also told me that I was luckier still and that somebody else was coming my way. Another soulmate that I could continue my life with.

Whether it’s something you believe or not, this message really spurred me on, to put my all into my life. It let me grieve but it also gave me hope for the future.

A new normal

love after loss

Over the next 2 years, I made lots of progress both in my personal life and with my business. I created a ‘new normal’, spent time with my friends and family, enjoyed my own company and came to a really happy place.

But… I still felt that pull towards finding a partner. As I said, I’m a strong independent person and in Ian, I found an equal and that’s why our relationship worked so well. I wanted to meet another equal and enjoy a partnership again.

I dated a few guys and although they didn’t work out I learned something new from each person. It was also a journey of doing things for the first time again. The first meal out with a man that wasn’t Ian, the first drinks date, the first walk in the park etc. With each ‘first’ I healed a little bit more and things got a bit easier.

A shift

On the morning of the 27th of April, I felt a shift in how I felt about new relationships. I wrote in my journal ‘Our only job is to find enjoyment in the things I do every day’. And when I wrote this I felt it, I really was and am happy. It occurred to me that if I was to meet somebody it had to be when I was in the right place and so were they. And at that moment we would meet.

The right time

Just a few hours after I wrote in my journal, an old friend gave me a call and said “Do you fancy going on a blind date”. And because I was in such a good place I said YES.

That’s how Phil and I met. We had our very first phone call that same day, followed by our first date and ever since then we’ve been inseparable.

It was a perfect time and the perfect person.

I have known my friend for 25 years and she has known Phil for 13. She knows us both well and knew we’d be a good fit. It’s important to me that we were introduced by someone that knows and loves me, it’s a level of trust that you need when meeting someone new.

How do you know he’s ‘the one’?

love after loss

That first phone call was fantastic and from that moment I just wanted more. If you have a good interaction with someone you want another one. Before you know it you are interacting all the time. And in our case you’re buying engagement rings 4 weeks later and engaged after 8 weeks.

I no longer feel like I’m doing things again for the first time. Things feel new and I’m making new memories and looking to the future.

Ian will always be a big part of my life and although I can talk to Phil about him, I don’t feel like I need to.

I’m healed, happy and looking forward to September 2023 when I’ll be marrying my soulmate.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

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